Who Am I?

Who am I? No matter how much I think I know myself, I still at times wonder, who am I? Where do these thoughts come from? Why does it seem like such a struggle at times, and at others I haven't a care in the world?

I've been reading the thoughts of others lately posted on some of the blogs I visit, and I'm amazed at some of the conviction I "hear" in their words. Me, I'm never thoroughly convinced. I have to go back over "it," over and over. I read once that is how we learn, especially as children, through redundancy. My life cycle at times is definitely redundant. My guy E has taken to threatening me that he's going to post a comment on this blog when redundant M comes by for a visit. (At least it's just a visit.) But it makes me wonder - who am I? I'm fascinating, the multitude of emotions and thoughts that reside within and emanate from me. I'm a walking, talking paradox.

It's not that I lack conviction, just simply seem to change my mind a lot. So many things in life appear meaningless to me - and finding meaning in one's life is what brings it happiness. And I really wouldn't say I'm unhappy - really I'm not - but definitely unsettled. There are so many things "out there" to try and do I can't just pick one. Has anyone ever asked you to pick your favorite..(fill in the blank)? Impossible! Ask me on a Monday and you're sure to get a different answer that Saturday, or Thursday for that matter.

At least underneath it all I believe lies a foundation built solidly upon certain fundamentals: I want to love and be loved (especially by E), I want to share compassion and grace in the world, I want to be generous and gracious, I want to care about others, maybe even more than I care about myself. I want to do productive work that adds value to the world. I want to add creativity and beauty to the world...

So I suppose when I start asking myself who I am, I always have that to go back to - not a bad start. I guess I'm just wanting to know about the finished product - and suddenly as I write this I realize that will never happen. I'll never be finished, I am my own great work in progress, and like the seasons bring changes to the life cycle so too they bring changes in my life, perpetually and eternally.

So, who am I? Why, I'm just me. Peace.